ouille... je ne sais pas pourquoi ni comment, mais mauzus qu`aujourd`hui ça été difficile.... nenon, il faisait beau, chaud, etc... fiston et moi, nous nous sommes baignés, et c`était bien...
au travail, misère que j`avais du mal à me concentrer... IL me manque.... j`ai beau essayer de le détester, de me dire que c`est mieux ainsi, que je vais guérir mon coeur et rencontrer un qui va vraiment vouloir mon bien... m`aimer pour de vrai....nope. ça marche pas...
Why do i still miss him? why do i still have strong feelings for him???? why, why, why????? why ? I bet he goes on with his life while I, on the other hands, am picking up the pieces... it makes me sick! I want to forget about him, i want to have amnesia when it comes about him...but i can`t
tonight, everything kept reminding me of him... us... i tried to push it aside but it kept coming back... on the tax forms i was working on, i came across: same name, same first name, same birthday, etc... what are the odds? really??? we go over half a millions of tax form every week, so that it lands on my desk with the same features as him....
worst: my son is asking about him so much... I keep telling him that for now we can`t see him for he has an illness keeping him away from us... (well, alcoolism is an illness, and it`s the best thing i can tell my son without crying a river so....)
everyday, i try to move on... getting busy with my son, going to my 2 psychologists, doing activities to change my mind, praying to God to forget about him... to feel free ... to be able to love again... you know what i mean....just want to not feel all these feelings for him. i want to feel nothing when it comes to him.... like he`s feeling for me.
anyway, hope i`ll hit the sack soon.... vraiment parfois j`aimerais être amnésique de lui... juste de lui... mais le pire, il me téléphonerait et je serais contente... faut-ti être maso????
2 commentaires:
There's a little bit of masochism in falling in love and when things don't work out, you can't just stop your feelings like turning off the light. I wish it could be that easy, but it's not, and it will take time. The day will come when you'll no longer feel anything for him but distant memories. The question is, how long will it take to get to that point?! Amnesia is a good solution!
In the meantime, bon courage!!!
I so wish i could forget about him... but i still miss him... and somehow, feel incomplete when he`s not around... i don`t like feeling this way...
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